Transparent and Still Mine: highly recommended

I'm always hungry for films that portray aging and relationships insightfully, teaching me something new and unexpected.

Amazon Prime jolted me recently with two stellar offerings -- one series and one film -- that feature aging characters who don't fit any of the stereotypes. Both affected me profoundly, and I recommend them to you:

Transparent

At 68, Mort (played masterfully by Jeffrey Tambor) comes out as a trans woman who wants to be called Maura. In this sweet, smart, and strongly acted ensemble series, we see the strengths and vulnerabilities of Mort/Maura and a family of ex-wife and three adult children -- who make a ton of relationship mistakes of their own.

This 10-episode series resolves many questions and leaves enough unanswered to allow for a second season, which is in the works -- hurray!

Yes, there's lots of sex in Transparent, but (boo) only Maura's children are having it. Maura is more interested in establishing her identity and being accepted by her family than in having sex with anyone -- at least in season 1. Will this change in the second season?

Still Mine

Craig (James Cromwell) is watching Irene (Geneviève Bujold), his wife of 61 years, lose her memory. He loves her fiercely and wants to protect her by building a house that will be easier for her to live in.

Although Craig has been building houses his whole life, he's no match for the bureaucracy that insists on permits and strict adherence to building codes that are irrelevant to Craig  (the plans are in his head; the lumber came from a tree he felled; the knowledge came from his father and a lifetime of craftsmanship and self-sufficiency).

The love and chemistry between Craig and Irene are powerful. The tenderness in their loving looks and caresses will make you applaud or cry or both. And rather than portray this elderly couple as sexless, there's a sexy undressing scene early in the film that includes, "This never gets old. We always did passion well."

This film is based on real people and actual events. Don't miss it.




What films have you watched that portrayed aging and relationships in a non-stereotypical way? I look forward to your recommendations.

Hope Springs: a springboard for discussion

Let's talk about the film Hope Springs. It's an excellent springboard for talking abut senior sex and communication. If you've seen it and you're part of our boomer/ senior/ elder generation, would you help me get the discussion going right here on this blog?

I hope you'll read my discussion with writer David Templeton about the film in the Pacific Sun. Here are excerpts -- and click here for the complete article.  (Warning: spoiler alert.)

"What bothered me, at first," Price says, "was that the filmmakers seemed to be making fun of something that is an enormous issue for seniors, something that isn't really a laughing matter. I couldn't see what Kay [Streep] saw in Arnold [Jones], and I couldn't understand how two people in their 60s, in 2012, ended up with this 1950s-style marriage. They sleep in separate rooms, they never talk, she does all the cooking and cleaning even though they both have full-time jobs, they don't talk about anything except his job and golf, and they never do anything together—and by anything I especially mean...sex."

..."What was wonderful about the film," Price says, "once it got to Hope Springs and the therapy sessions, was that it settled down and took its time to flesh out some very real concerns and fears that older people have. At first we think that Arnold is the one who turned away from Kay, but then she admits that it was she who stopped having sex with him. But by then, after she started to miss it, there were so many hurt feelings and misunderstandings between them, that it was just a big mess."

..."It actually bothered me a little," says Price, "that Dr. Feld didn't suggest that they get a medical opinion. If something changes in a man's sex drive, there is often a medical reason. Men don't stop wanting sex overnight, even if their wife did turn them down one or two times too often. That might happen gradually, but if it's sudden, then a man really needs to see a doctor. In this movie, we learn that he's having erectile problems, and is afraid to put it to the test, so he avoids sex. But erectile problems could be an indication of heart disease, or diabetes, or any number of other treatable diseases. That message was never put into the movie, and it should have been, by the therapist, if no one else."

..."I wonder," asks Price, "if, at any point in this couple's history, there was ever any sex between them that was for her pleasure? The therapist even—and this completely shocked me—asked if she'd ever had orgasms...'vaginal or otherwise.' Excuse me? Orgasms come from the clitoris. Was this guy trained in the 1940s? 

What are your views about the movie, the sex education in it, the realism? Please comment. It's great if you use a first name (it doesn't have to be your own) when you comment instead of "Anonymous" -- just so we can address each other if we want to bounce off each other's ideas. I look forward to reading your comments.

I also encourage you to talk about it with your partner if you have one, with your friends, with anyone who will participate. That's my mission after all -- to talk out loud about senior sex -- and this film lubricates the topic, so to speak.